Hello world I am back and actually I shouldn't be back,
But I am confident enough to spend a bit more time to think and blog. I just finished my Central Nervous System module written exam today. It will have to be the most difficult that is why I am confident enough to live a little easier now that it is over.
So what has life taught me these few days that I was away doing real world stuff...ok exams are more real than just blogging.
Anyway we like to complain whne we suffer. Over here in Ireland I complain about my loneliness...how I have no one to talk to....and how hard it is to find anyone who share my view of the world....let me tell you that I know more pro-Israel fella back home in Malaysia than over here....but then again you don't just go up to a guy and ask about his political preferences and you don't find unless the person is interested enough in it to actually bother to hint it in his conversations...but anyway back to loneliness. It is not a pleasurable experience and it is not one that i want or actively seek but from my lonely outpost I have the time to think and contemplate and do things that my friend sback home with commitments to church, family and friends are not able to do because they are so busy...so while everyone is busy preparing for Christmas I have a Torah sitting next to my bed and browse through in my boredom and yes it is true when God wanted to create man He refered to Himself as "Let US createman in OUR image"...the rabbis believe that it was GOd consulting the angels according to the commentary but as a Christians I see this as a reference to the Triune God...I have this tendency to digress but back to loneliness..so it enables me to many things that other people don't have time to...it is great to be with people but sometimes walking by yourself at night and then looking up to see the stars in a clear sky is one of the most wonderful experience..sure you would wosh to share this with someone but have you haven't been by yourself you would not have had this epiphany that you can share with others.....in conclusion, unpleasurable experiences are not things you seek out but there things to be learnt then or even something to be learnt from it if we are not too busy whining and missing the big picture that is.

Sorry that I have updated in aquite a while but exams have been heavy,
And of course I found that I had a disastrous MCQ with neurology. Anyway I came across this great story in the LGF. It is by a guy nicknamed geepers. Here is it:
A Christmas story:
I remember my first Christmas party with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. 'Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.
I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobbie Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.
Bobbie Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobbie Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobbie Decker a coat.
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the ladybehind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly. "It's ... for Bobbie." The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons, and write, "To Bobbie, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobbie Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobbie's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobbie.
Forty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my grandma, in Bobbie Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
Well it warmed my heart. Yeah Santa does exist.

Exams are in five days time but I haven't blogged in a while,
Many ideas are running through my head yet the pressure of exams, the need to study, guilt for not studying enough, depression from not studying, lack of mood to study, and one and hundred one excuses prarlyse me from blogging and in the end no study gets done. IT always happen to me towards the exams: The need to study arises, I head to the on-line notes, I get depress, I don't study instead I waste my time on blogs and surfing the net, nomstudy gets done, guilt arises, even more depression, even less study and so goes the vicious cycle. I am sure many people can realte to this...heck if some one finds the cure to this mental disorder..yes it is one...why? First there is the characteristic self-destructive behaviour, symptoms similar to depression...well some people will call it laziness and slothfulness..so whether mental disorder or slothfulness if someone can find the cure, most people in the class will scoring over 80% and they will have to bring up the standard to separate the first class honours and the second. It is my observation that I am not the only affected by it.
What makes us sad, not emotionally sad but behaviourably? I would say boredom has something to with it. I marvel that some people can sit at the same place everyday and put in countless hours duplicating sections from different books, books of the most viscous prose and in effect like an amanuensis reproducing those books except these books are now incorporated and its material organised into one called the 'Student's Notes'. I for the life in me can't even be bothered to take notes in class let alone 'make notes' in the above-mentioned method....though I would argue that this is not making notes as the material and knowledge to be gleaned is not organised or rewritten in the students own words and thus signal a certain amount of understanding but rather it is copied and memorised wholesale...so I read from the online notes which again are the power-point presentations of the lectures and represent the bare minimum but the problem that it is online and I tempted to check my mail box to see if there is mail, my blog to see if there are comments and the weblog community of which I am part of and read the comments of the news items, and so very little study is done and again I lapse into the vicious cycle.
Another unwanted effect is not only am I paralysed mentally but socially as I start skipping my commitments like Kidz Klub( I am skipping the club as I write this) so as to get more time and to make for that which was lost and yet it is in vain as I again lapse into the same self-destructive pattern. Maybe I should go to the library to study.